by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved


by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow,  I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for  propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he  instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. 
 Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie." 

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.  Once  the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her  today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so  necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a  world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not  going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"
God  nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she  will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child  less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She  will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a  step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be  witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the  things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise  above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute  of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she  is here by my side." 

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."


"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person you walked in."

-Haruki Murakami